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i'm trying to pin down exactly when i realized this was actually "confusion" by new order. one running theory about how memory works is that people with exceptional memories actually spend a lot of time reviewing and filing things, and this is partly why. a famous one is a habit of, end of every day, sitting there for five or ten minutes and itemizing everything that happened that day. i keep meaning to try this, but i never remember when i ask my brain the question, what comes back is that lovely iridescent cover to power, corruption, and lies -- or, no, it was a remix album, not that depressing hitler flower pot painting so i cave and google it. no, that's wrong. it's actually "technique" and my brain is giving the answer as thus: we first learned this wasn't aphex within a few minutes of first seeing this album cover. and we're having trouble determining if this was 2007 when we were on a brief hardcore new order kick, or if it was 2008-10 during a what.cd freeleech period but i certainly thought it was aphex when i slipped it to the DJ on a high school dance night as a troll and friend and i having a right giggle the whole two or three minutes until it dawns on the DJ that this shit will just keep going forever and he cuts it but it was definitely during the 2008-10 period i'm listening to this on acid, and i had... what is real synaesthesia? we'll spare that tangent but it i saw it as concentric tree rings. in each of which was glowing gold middle earth tolkien glyphs matching the pattern of the sounds. that, for some reason, i perceived the rings in my whole field of vision, but the glowing gold readout was only in my bottom third field of view 2022 i was speaking about this song to someone, how this is a meditative mantra in musical form, and... shit, why am i getting this strong image of tree rings and... took until later that day for me to realize it was synaesthesia from an acid trip in 2009 or something |
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what is hppd? what is a flashback? perhaps my second or third time on mushrooms, i had "black milk" by massive attack on my playlist, and i'm seeing it as the famous windows XP desktop background, the green field and blue sky, with cows singing the lyrics. eat me, in space i'm pretty sure that was the same one where mushrooms taught me how to draw, or draw their way, at least. which is to focus on the image you're seeing [in the scribbles, in the clouds (pareidolia)] and to allow the pen to simply move like your hand is possessed. as you focus on this or that detail of what you already have, then pen fills it in further. it's actually reminiscent of loading an image on dialup modem, where it's all pixelated blobs and gradually comes into proper focus a few years later, i'm merely stoned. but i have "black milk" on and i'm drawing how mushrooms showed me. and for a few minutes, i swear to god i felt like i was tripping. then something snapped me out of it, and i realized what i'd drawn: myself, in a room, with my gear, drawing. then my boyfriend is through the door in the other room playing video games. and holy shit this isn't even what i was seeing when i drew this. and the detail is stunning. except it's all stretched and warped around; it's not a fixed perspective i still have that drawing somewhere; i should find it. i can't remember it at all, but i know i'll recognize it IMMEDIATELY if i do find it. i only lost track of it because i promptly realized: the brain is a state playback machine of sorts. i've experienced that state of mind before... and, so, with firm enough guidance, i can get there again. without mushrooms. this must be horribly confusing if you start doing it by accident and don't understand what is happen |
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that i should wish to clarify "firm guidance." that accidental one was soon after the initial event, during a phase when i still actually did psychedelics somewhere in some thred telling me to shut up is me excitedly writing up how i got the crispest sense of time dilation i've ever experienced since [well, it'd be within a few weeks of kula shaker reforming in early 2006] that i meditate daily, it's a srs discipline. and i'm listening to the first track off [halo 16?] things falling apart, "slipping away." and when the acid line hits i'm exploding into white triangles and... how long is this song? it feels like this song has to be at least fifteen minutes long but i already know this is incorrect and... well, i fucking worked for that moment. daily meditation, a little weed, some mild stimulants. and one day i have that, randomly. i can see how this would be more of a problem if simply thinking of something like "how does a nickel smell" could send you into it |
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also significant around that time was reading interviews with chris clark. the bones are baked; the brittle separated. it inspired me to embark on experiment that -- fuck, why have i never gotten back to this again -- i'm in cubase recursively processing audio. pitch down, run through fx, then take the result and do something else to it. after twenty or thirty rounds singing voices literally began to emerge, like, holy shit, this is wild. it's like i'm amplifying something, with all these repeated recursive processings. and i suppose that something would be myself |
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if you get into the analog of neurons, operational amplifiers are important. as in, we're all just glorified op amps |
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i first heard detrimentalist while buying an albatross of a soundcraft mixer off of aeser from watmm. he played me a bit in his bedroom. if he remembers that day, i would ask him to imagine me next carrying that fucking mixer up to the second floor ENTIRELY BY MYSELF and it's a miracle i didn't put myself in the hospital doing that. or fucking drop the thing and wreck it. selling it to two orbital... well, i think they aspired to be orbital... brothers... that's how i got my dx200 and the guy was all "you're going to love this" and "you don't see these much 'cos people who have them tend to hang on to them" and i believe they still had another and the more boring non-dx7 equivalent too. i'll spare you the story about how the soundcraft broke in between and the fix literally came to me in a dream after studying the schematics before i went to bed ...but, yes, halo 16, things falling apart, detrimentalist. that was my point, i think. someone in idm land was trashing that album, like, "if you slow it way down you can hear how crap it is compared to aphex" and really, i don't have an opinion there still but the remix of "we're in this together" off things falling apart is like what snares was doing with circle pit, but... gosh, it's so much clearer and we're on the "over 9000" tip too, circle pit is total anime camera shots, i believe someone on watmm was also like "fuck off with smoking crack to saturday morning cartoons" and no, fuck you, this is clearly, like... vegeta battle |
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no, wait, not we're in this together. where. is. everybody and the drum hits are hitting around you in circles like bullets whapping into sand. you follow the trails up and the structure becomes rather large never mind. what's this thread about? i give up |
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and because i view this on the level of giving a woman VD and then selling her as a perfectly good slave, don't ever buy a dx200 online. you can yank the yamamahamaha dx7 board out of it and install it in a couple different other products from the company of the same name |
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I've got New Order's "Confusion" on 12", if you want to add that to my records. |
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i have no choice but to add it unless i throw out my existing decision architecture. |
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There's an interesting colour "code" to reading the title and the band's name on the sleeve, if I remember correctly. Or it might be something on the back. I'm bot sure of anything at this stage. |
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i suppose this thread is the summary no one asked for. i can't find the interview with serge pizzorno from kasabian where he's saying, effectively, "ohh, i've overdone it with the acid a bit, i have the most ridiculous associations i cannot get rid of, like... stupid magic tricks, pulling a rabbit out of a hat. that smells terrible to me. like raw sewage. it's so bad that if i see it on tv or something i have to leave the room" since it's not on the web history in this computer it would be in the web history in the backup of this computer's previous incarnation, before i threw ubuntu into the sarlacc pit -- i could find it; i could but suffice to say the interview exists, and my summary is effectively accurate, aside from probably bodging a few details [was it sewage precisely?] and i read this and thot: i always figured this was possible but god damn i never expected anyone to casually open up and freaking complain about it as if it's rhumetroid arthritus |
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I'm bot sure of anything at this stage. on the ChatGPT train are we |
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he derailed his own thread didn't he |
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there is no off position on the genius switch |
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i've been over this thread for hours now. i've moved on to bea arthur deepfakes |
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serge and his weird associations. i want to clarify. someone spilled some incense on some acid blotter i bought and the smell sent me back there a bit for quite a few years. same mechanism as the ramble about black milk above. there's one theory that something something mammalian imprinting usually a brief window during development that then closes forever, and tripping you've thrown the window open. i don't think this is literally what's going on, but you are certainly in a state where you can meddle with things so fundamental that you'd normally not consider them mutable. if Christianity really cared about saving the gays by making them straight, they'd use a carefully designed brainwashing program, and psychedelics there's a chapter of an r. a. wilson book, "how to brainwash friends and family" that'll walk you through it. capture someone in a white van in the dead of night; lock them alone in a room. solitary confinement occasionally interrupted by telling them they're pond scum. eventually, they're hungry. they don't have to do anything for food at first, but they're yelled at and told they don't deserve the food because [whatever you want them to do] then we move on to "this is my rifle this is my gun." [basic training in the military is also brainwashing] you immerse them in a group of converts who are all using the same weird group lingo. since they let you out of the cage when you talk that way, you play ball. a few years later you're patty hearst. like any decent lad, i took a moment and toyed with the idea of how i'd create a personal harem. then a few years back i found out about NXIVM, and it was like... wait, someone's actually done this? have humans done it, eaten it, shoved it deep up their arse and enjoyed it a lot, thank you very much? the answer is always YES and so it is with serge. he didn't do himself in a single go, he worked on it carefully for years with dozens of medium-high dose trips |
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he derailed his own thread didn't he all my posts are one thread |
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not breathing dave told me why he's a vegan back in the early 00's. he was clubbing on acid and he comes home and his mom asks him if he wants a bacon grease sandwich¹. he says "sure" and eats it. then he's putting his plate in the sink, and, well, his acid is still going, and he sees the bacon grease in the sink move. like some alien creature. then he vomits up his bacon grease sandwich. then he vomits more. he vomits more. he vomits some more. he never eats meat again. i replied, "bacon sounds good now actually" and he told me to fucking die in a fire. it was a troll but it was also the truth. bacon. ...so he clearly formed a very strong association that round, to the point of becoming a vegan. i'd never tripped at that point, and i remember being very nervous to eat meat on acid -- but it's more almost random, really. essentially, something can bother you SO INCREDIBLY MUCH when you're tripping and because tripping you can wind up stuck that way. i have a few rough patches; there are a few things i can no longer tolerate the idea of eating, but i'm certainly not a vegan. it's just that one time when... i looked at closer than i usually did, and that one glance will haunt me forever but i never did high dose trips, so it never got terribly dramatic. that i was armed with dave's story, which gave me the chance to be careful about it without fucking up. in order for your hppd to be like "bad magic tricks smell so awful i have to leave the room if it's even on TV, i cannot stand to see it" you've jumped through quite a few hoops. you need to have had past problems like "after that one where i was smelling stuff on TV i always smell TV programmes now" before you can have a different high-dose trip ruin magic tricks specifically ¹ there was a whole tangent here because... bacon.. GREASE sandwich? like, not actually bacon? and i guess this is a thing! humans. |
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for mermaidman: much more fun than ruining foods because they looked like eldritch horrors on acid is when you're telling lewis's mom about the blade techno opener and then this visual of concentric circles is popping into your head all day and you finally remember this is blade techno opener acid synaesthesia from 2009, and you were sitting in the comfy brown chair when this happened. |
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if Christianity really cared about saving the gays by making them straight, they'd use a carefully designed brainwashing program, and psychedelics this is a joke about graphs, and i need to explain. christianity obviously has the brainwashing program going [though it could be improved]. i could make my sexuality whatever i wanted, actually. without psychedelics that would be a very long slog, but with psychedelics you now have tools like "ruin gay sex like that bacon grease sandwich ruined dave's appreciation for meat" and from there you have to build new associations, which is more complicated, but similar -- that's a long slog without drugs a corollary to this [ATTN: MERMAIDMAN] is that acid could make you gay. the chances of this happening by accident are astronomically low, but humanity is tenacious enough that i'm beyond certain it's happened somewhere, to at least a few people. maybe goa trance slightly increases the odds |
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A Clockwork Orange. right. the ludovico treatment. it's passion for violence instead of passion for ass, but yes, they pump him full of drugs and ruin his ability to run violence with nausea. it works. but then they don't put anything else in to replace it. they dump him back in his old enviornment with nothing to support his conditioning, and with nothing to replace it either, he's jolted around until it wears off. then there are similar arcs with his victims, the writer etc and it's just a fine movie as it is, really, but i think someone should make an alternate version of it where, instead of being thrown to the wolves after the ludovico treatment, they send him to an amish commune to make furniture. that, during the treatment, he'd also been denied food unless he found things to admire and appreciate about carpentry and making furniture. he makes furniture and talks about furniture all throughout dinner. the amish like making furniture and talking about furniture. he meets a girl, falls in love; has a family this might make kubrick come back from the dead simply so he could have a second heart attack |
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A Clockwork Elmer |
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TIL i didn't know the original, though |
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i've experienced that state of mind before... and, so, with firm enough guidance, i can get there again. without mushrooms. this must be horribly confusing if you start doing it by accident and don't understand what is happen or when you remember: oh, right, my brain is listening closer than i'll ever know, and now that you can set it off, you can also do so unintentionally... and that must be horribly confusing |
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Serge Pizzorno. that is some kind of name. like 70's pornstar kinda name. did his parents have an absolutely wicked sense of humor, or were they beyond clueless? [professor weasel bursts through the drywall like kool aid man] the answer is YES! both. if you're going to have a name with this level of challenge hung on you, well... it's quite good actually |
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